"Mind-boggling it is."
This statement marks a big space, perhaps in my heart and in my mind. Five years ago, I was just a neophyte trying my luck here in Manila, pushing myself to pursue a noble course that would eventually lead me to a bright future. Five years ago, I was a futile girl wanting to enjoy what's there and believing into the "come what may" line of thinking. Five years ago, I was a girl with no plans but only mandatory paths I should be taking. Five years ago, I did not care of anything big.
That was five years ago.
Five years have passed if I may compute, and now, I stress my mind with the unbelievable, peculiar, and present big choices which I didn't think of before, not even a single tad of it. These good and big choices started to arise yet I entertain the uncertainties. "Shall I pursue Medicine?" That question keeps on twisting inside my head, wanting for an answer, waiting for a damn good response. But how did that question arrive in my hippocampus which eventually stayed in my semantic system recurring all over in my brain processor in the first place? It all started when I got into a pre-med course at UST. Since we are a family of lawyers, having 6 prosecutors, they wanted something different, unique, and as equally respectable profession as being a lawyer. Being the youngest in the family, I am the sole sacrificial lamb who is able to take part in this dream, to be different and become a doctor.
"I would never want to become a doctor!" I always say to my parents and siblings. Shouting this outright statement with all my heart and my mind was as easy as solving one plus one. Apparently, THAT WAS BEFORE. To this day, everything significantly changed. If before I was 100% sure that I never wanted to become a doctor, my percentage digits spectacularly deteriorated into half. Honestly, I didn't know the reason why it happened but I'm quite sure about 2 things: (1) I wanted to take a higher lifelong dream and (2) I wanted to learn some more to help those in need. But the dilemma is that I am one of the very first batch of UST Speech & Language Pathology (SLP) profession which is highly expected to be rendering and catering services to special children in ten months time. SLP is in direly needed not only abroad but also in the Philippines because the SLP population is limited as compared to the ratio of the potential patients. To sum up this meticulous hopes the profession implies, they are expecting us to be committed, competent, and compassionate Speech Language Pathologist ready to embrace and practice efficiently the profession in the real world.
Now the painstakingly part of deciding which is which heats up. Should I pursue the former or stick with the latter? Should I study some more for the benefit of the general or start helping people with special needs? It's too early to decide now and I believe that I am still confused with all these since it only began perplexing my system lately. Ergo, I will just let it hang inside my brain and hopefully when I graduate, which is nearly approaching, I would have a more concrete answer to those haunting queries.
I might pursue Medicine.
I might.
I will still be the the first Ilocana Thomasian Speech and Language Pathologist.
I will be.
end.xoxo
-F







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